Most leaders believe they’re good listeners. Destiny Ayo Vaughan argues the opposite, and she’s convincing. Poor listening isn’t a soft-skill weakness; it’s a structural risk. It erodes trust, damages culture, and keeps people silent when speaking up could change everything.

Destiny has spent years helping communities, schools and organisations across Europe rethink how they approach trauma, safety and voice. She founded Mind The Gap Ireland, the country’s first anonymous storytelling platform for survivors, and has supported hundreds of people in sharing experiences they once could not speak aloud.

Her TEDx Talk, “Understanding the Impact of Trauma on Children”, is now live:

👉 https://lnkd.in/dnCikrgq

In this edition:

• The emotional cost every storyteller underestimates

• The listening mistake that silently damages teams

• What turns a personal story into behavioural change

• How leaders accidentally create unsafe cultures

• And how you can directly support Destiny’s impact

PS: Destiny’s organisation is small but doing mission-critical work. If you want to support with time, expertise or resources, details are below.

5 No-Nonsense Questions with Destiny Ayo Vaughan

1. What would you say to someone who wants to share their story but fears being re-traumatised?

There’s no clean workaround; sharing something painful will trigger emotions. It’s sad, heavy and overwhelming at times. But the more you share, the more the pain softens.
Start with someone safe, a therapist or a trusted person. That foundation doesn’t eliminate difficulty, but it prevents you from facing it alone. Anyone who promises you’ll “never” be triggered again isn’t telling the truth. You will be. It just becomes easier to carry.

2. What’s the most powerful thing people can do to support survivors today?

Listen without performing.
People panic and try to say the “right” thing, but that usually becomes the wrong thing.
It’s completely fine to say, “I don’t know what to say.” Honesty comforts more than platitudes. And take time to understand the real impact of sexual violence. Check in. Learn before you speak. Stillness and presence go further than advice.

3. What makes a story genuinely move a room — whether it’s CEOs, teams or the public?

You must know the message you want people to leave with. When you finish speaking, what do you want them to think differently?
I adapt my message to every room I’m in. I’ve spoken to CEOs in industries far removed from trauma, but the truth is universal: everyone carries something heavy. When leaders create environments where it’s safe to say, “I’m not okay,” performance, trust and culture change dramatically.
That message lands everywhere.

4. What’s one thing leaders consistently underestimate about trauma and voice?

How much harm is done by rushing to react.
In today’s world, people respond too quickly, with opinions, judgment or attempts to fix. Real support isn’t noise; it’s space. Leaders who master stillness and listening build cultures where people actually feel safe.
It’s a competitive advantage disguised as compassion.

5. How can founders, leaders and speakers in our community support your work directly?

Mind The Gap Ireland is still small, and the need is high. We need volunteers, legal support, community connections and amplification — anything that helps us reach more survivors.
If you have skills, time or resources to offer, we’d love your support.

📩 [email protected]
📱 Instagram: @mindthegapireland

Ready to Make a Difference?

Mind The Gap Ireland gives survivors a voice when they feel they have none. The team is small, the mission is big, and your expertise could meaningfully shift their capacity.
If you can contribute — even an hour a month — reach out. These are the partnerships that actually change lives, not just headlines.

About this newsletter
The Oratore Speakers newsletter connects 3,300+ founders, leaders and speakers across Europe and the UK. Each edition spotlights people shaping the conversations that matter in leadership and society. If you’ve got insights (not promos) worth sharing, reply and let’s talk.

Thanks for reading,
Steven

Let’s connect: LinkedIn